GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
ALL: But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General.
GENERAL: And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what's going on.
KATE: Oh, Papa-- we---
SAMUEL: Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.
GENERAL: Dear me!
GIRLS:Against our wills, Papa--against our wills!
GENERAL: Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask-- this is a picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it.
What are you?
KING: We are all single gentlemen.
GENERAL: Yes, I gathered that.Anything else?
KING: No, nothing else.
EDITH:Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates-- the famous Pirates of Penzance!
GENERAL: The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.
MABEL:All except this gentleman (indicating FREDERIC), who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to-day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.
GENERAL: But wait a bit.I object to pirates as sons-in-law.
KING: We object to major-generals as fathers-in-law.But we waive that point.We do not press it.We look over it.
GENERAL: (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?
KING: Well, yes, that's the idea.
GENERAL: Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
PIRATES: (disgusted) Oh, dash it all!
KING: Here we are again!
GENERAL: I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
KING: Often!
GENERAL: Yes, orphan.Have you ever known what it is to be one?
KING: I say, often.
ALL: (disgusted) Often, often, often.(Turning away)GENERAL: I don't think we quite understand one another.I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say "orphan".As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan" to show that you understand me.
KING: I didn't repeat the word often.
GENERAL: Pardon me, you did indeed.
KING: I only repeated it once.
GENERAL: True, but you repeated it.
KING: But not often.
GENERAL: Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused.
When you said "orphan", did you mean "orphan",a person who has lost his parents, or "often", frequently?
KING: Ah! I beg pardon-- I see what you mean -- frequently.
GENERAL: Ah! you said "often", frequently.
KING: No, only once.
GENERAL: (irritated) Exactly-- you said "often", frequently, only once.
FINALE OF ACT I
GENERAL: Oh, men of dark and dismal fate, Forgo your cruel employ, Have pity on my lonely state, I am an orphan boy!
KING/SAMUEL:An orphan boy?
GENERAL:An orphan boy!
PIRATES: How sad, an orphan boy.
GENERAL: These children whom you see Are all that I can call my own!
PIRATES: Poor fellow!
GENERAL: Take them away from me, And I shall be indeed alone.
PIRATES: Poor fellow!
GENERAL: If pity you can feel, Leave me my sole remaining joy--See, at your feet they kneel;Your hearts you cannot steel Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!
PIRATES: (sobbing) Poor fellow!
See at our feet they kneel;
Our hearts we cannot steel Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!
SAMUEL: The orphan boy!
add KING:The orphan boy!
See at our feet they kneel;
Our hearts we cannot steel Against the tale of the lonely orphan boy!
PIRATES: Poor fellow!
ENSEMBLE
GENERAL (aside) GIRLS (aside) PIRATES(aside)I'm telling a terrible He is telling a terrible If he's telling a storystory, terrible story But it doesn't diminish Which will tend to He shall die by a death my glory;diminish his that is gory For they would have glory; Yes, one of the taken my daughters Though they would havecruellest Over the billowy waters, taken hisslaughters daughters That ever were known in Over the billowy waters, these waters;If I hadn't, in elegant It is easy, in elegant It is easy, in elegant diction, diction.diction, Indulged in an innocent To call it an innocent To call it an innocent fiction, fiction, fiction Which is not in the same But it comes in the same But it comes in the same category category category As a regular terribleAs telling a regular As telling a regular story.terrible story.terrible story.
KING: Although our dark career Sometimes involves the crime of stealing, We rather think that we're Not altogether void of feeling.
Although we live by strife, We're always sorry to begin it, For what, we ask, is life Without a touch of Poetry in it?
(all kneel)
ALL: Hail, Poetry, thou heav'n-born maid!
Thou gildest e'en the pirate's trade.
Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!
All hail, all hail, divine emollient!
(all rise)
KING: You may go, for you're at liberty, our pirate rules protect you, And honorary members of our band we do elect you!
SAMUEL: For he is an orphan boy!
CHORUS: He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!
GENERAL: And it sometimes is a useful thing To be an orphan boy.
CHORUS: It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!
Hurrah for the orphan boy!
ENSEMBLE: Oh, happy day, with joyous glee They will away and married be!
Should it befall auspiciously, Her (Our) sisters all will bridesmaids be!
(RUTH enters and comes down to FREDERIC)
RUTH: Oh, master, hear one word, I do implore you!
Remember Ruth, your Ruth, who kneels before you!
PIRATES: Yes, yes, remember Ruth, who kneels before you!
FREDERIC: Away, you did deceive me!
PIRATES: (Threatening RUTH) Away, you did deceive him!
RUTH: Oh, do not leave me!
PIRATES: Oh, do not leave her!
FREDERIC: Away, you grieve me!
PIRATES: Away, you grieve him!
FREDERIC: I wish you'd leave me! (FREDERIC casts RUTH from him)PIRATES: We wish you'd leave him!
ENSEMBLE
MEN WOMEN
Pray observe the magnanimity Pray observe the magnanimity We display to lace and dimity! They display to lace and dimity!