(During this, Chorus of men and women have entered, all trembling with apprehension under the impression that they are to be arrested for their complicity in the conspiracy.)CHORUS.
With faltering feet, And our muscles in a quiver, Our fate we meet With our feelings all unstrung!
If our plot complete He has managed to diskiver, There is no retreat--We shall certainly be hung!
RUD.(aside to LUDWIG).
Now you begin and pitch it strong--walk into me abusively--LUD.(aside to RUDOLPH).
I've several epithets that I've reserved for you exclusively.
A choice selection I have here when you are ready to begin.
RUD.Now you beginLUD.No, you begin--RUD.No, you begin--LUD.No, you begin!
CHORUS (trembling).
Has it happed as we expected?
Is our little plot detected?
DUET--RUDOLPH and LUDWIG
RUD.(furiously).
Big bombs, small bombs, great guns and little ones!
Put him in a pillory!
Rack him with artillery!
LUD.(furiously).
Long swords, short swords, tough swords and brittle ones!
Fright him into fits!
Blow him into bits!
RUD.You muff, sir!
LUD.You lout, sir!
RUD.Enough, sir!
LUD.Get out, sir! (Pushes him.)
RUD.A hit, sir?
LUD.Take that, sir! (Slaps him.)RUD.It's tit, sir,LUD.For tat, sir!
CHORUS (appalled).
When two doughty heroes thunder, All the world is lost in wonder;When such men their temper lose, Awful are the words they use!
LUD.Tall snobs, small snobs, rich snobs and needy ones!
RUD.(jostling him).Whom are you alluding to?
LUD.(jostling him).Where are you intruding to?
RUD.Fat snobs, thin snobs, swell snobs and seedy ones!
LUD.I rather think you err.
To whom do you refer?
RUD.To you, sir!
LUD.To me, sir?
RUD.I do, sir!
LUD.We'll see, sir!
RUD.I jeer, sir!
(Makes a face at LUDWIG.) Grimace, sir!
LUD.Look here, sir--
(Makes a face at RUDOLPH.) A face, sir!
CHORUS (appalled).
When two heroes, once pacific, Quarrel, the effect's terrific!
What a horrible grimace!
What a paralysing face!
ALL.Big bombs, small bombs, etc.
LUD.and RUD.(recit.).
He has insulted me, and, in a breath, This day we fight a duel to the death!
NOT.(checking them).
You mean, of course, by duel (verbum sat.), A Statutory Duel.
ALL.Why, what's that?
NOT.According to established legal uses, A card apiece each bold disputant chooses--Dead as a doornail is the dog who loses--The winner steps into the dead man's shoeses!
ALL.The winner steps into the dead man's shoeses!
RUD.and Lud.Agreed! Agreed!
RUD.Come, come--the pack!
LUD.(producing one).Behold it here!
RUD.I'm on the rack!
LUD.I quake with fear!
(NOTARY offers card to LUDWIG.)
LUD.First draw to you!
RUD.If that's the case, Behold the King! (Drawing card from his sleeve.)LUD.(same business).Behold the Ace!
CHORUS.Hurrah, hurrah! Our Ludwig's won And wicked Rudolph's course is run--So Ludwig will as Grand Duke reign Till Rudolph comes to life again--RUD.Which will occur to-morrow!
I come to life to-morrow!
GRET.(with mocking curtsey).
My Lord Grand Duke, farewell!
A pleasant journey, very, To your convenient cell In yonder cemetery!
LISA (curtseying).
Though malcontents abuse you, We're much distressed to lose you!
You were, when you were living, So liberal, so forgiving!
BERTHA.So merciful, so gentle!
So highly ormamental!
OLGA.And now that you've departed, You leave us broken-hearted!
ALL (pretending to weep).Yes, truly, truly, truly, truly--Truly broken-hearted!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! (Mocking him.)
RUD.(furious).Rapscallions, in penitential fires, You'll rue the ribaldry that from you falls!
To-morrow afternoon the law expires.
And then--look out for squalls!
[Exit RUDOLPH, amid general ridicule.
CHORUS.Give thanks, give thanks to wayward fate--By mystic fortune's sway, Our Ludwig guides the helm of State For one delightful day!
(To LUDWIG.) We hail you, sir!
We greet you, sir!
Regale you, sir!
We treat you, sir!
Our ruler be By fate's decree For one delightful day!
NOT.You've done it neatly! Pity that your powers Are limited to four-and-twenty hours!
LUD.No matter, though the time will quickly run, In hours twenty-four much may be done!
SONG--LUDWIG.
Oh, a Monarch who boasts intellectual graces Can do, if he likes, a good deal in a day--He can put all his friends in conspicuous places, With plenty to eat and with nothing to pay!
You'll tell me, no doubt, with unpleasant grimaces, To-morrow, deprived of your ribbons and laces, You'll get your dismissal--with very long faces--But wait! on that topic I've something to say!
(Dancing.)I've something to say--I've something to say--I've something to say!
Oh, our rule shall be merry--I'm not an ascetic--And while the sun shines we will get up our hay--By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic, A very great deal may be done in a day!
CHORUS.Oh, his rule will be merry, etc.
(During this, LUDWIG whispers to NOTARY, who writes.)For instance, this measure (his ancestor drew it), (alluding to NOTARY)This law against duels--to-morrow will die--The Duke will revive, and you'll certainly rue it--He'll give you "what for" and he'll let you know why!
But in twenty-four hours there's time to renew it--With a century's life I've the right to imbue it--It's easy to do--and, by Jingo, I'll do it!
(Signing paper, which NOTARY presents.)
It's done! Till I perish your Monarch am I!
Your Monarch am I--your Monarch am I--your Monarch am I!
Though I do not pretend to be very prophetic, I fancy I know what you're going to say--By a pushing young Monarch, of turn energetic, A very great deal may be done in a day!
ALL (astonished).
Oh, it's simply uncanny, his power prophetic--It's perfectly right--we were going to say, By a pushing, etc.
Enter JULIA, at back.
LUD.(recit.).This very afternoon--at two (about)--The Court appointments will be given out.
To each and all (for that was the condition)According to professional position!
ALL.Hurrah!
JULIA (coming forward).According to professional position?
LUD.According to professional position!
JULIA Then, horror!