GROS.Then you had an aunt! [BUNTHORNE affected.] Ah! I see you had! By the memory of that aunt, I implore you to pause ere you resort to this last fearful expedient.Oh, Mr.Bunthorne, reflect, reflect! [Weeping]
BUN.[aside, after a struggle with himself] I must not allow myself to be unmanned! [aloud] It is useless.Consent at once, or may a nephew's curse--GROS.Hold! Are you absolutely resolved?
BUN.Absolutely.
GROS.Will nothing shake you?
BUN.Nothing.I am adamant.
GROS.Very good.[rising] Then I yield.
BUN.Ha! You swear it?
GROS.I do, cheerfully.I have long wished for a reasonable pretext for such a change as you suggest.It has come at last.
I do it on compulsion!
BUN.Victory! I triumph!
No.18.When I go out of door (Duet)
Bunthorne and Grosvenor[Each one dances around the stage while the other is singing his solo verses.]
BUNTHORNE When I go out of door, Of damozels a score (All sighing and burning, And clinging and yearning)Will follow me as before.
I shall, with cultured taste, Distinguish gems from paste, And "High diddle diddle"Will rank as an idyll, If I pronounce it chaste!
BOTHA most intense young man, A soulful-eyed young man, An ultra-poetical, super-aesthetical, Out-of-the-way young man!
GROSVENOR Conceive me, if you can, An ev'ryday young man:
A commonplace type, With a stick and a pipe, And a half-bred black-and-tan;Who thinks suburban "hops"More fun than "Monday Pops,"--
Who's fond of his dinner, And doesn't get thinner On bottled beer and chops.
BOTHA commonplace young man, A matter-of-fact young man--A steady and stolidy, jolly Bank-holiday, Every-day young man!
BUNTHORNE A Japanese young man--A blue-and-white young man--
Francesca di Rimini, miminy, piminy, Je-ne-sais-quoi young man!
GROSVENOR A Chancery lane young man--A Somerset House young man,--A very delectable, highly respectable Three-penny-bus young man!
BUNTHORNE A pallid and thin young man--A haggard and lank young man, A greenery-yallery, Grosvenor Gallery, Foot-in-the-grave young man!
GROSVENOR A Sewell and Cross young man, A Howell & James young man, A pushing young particle -- "What's the next article?"--Waterloo House young man!
BUNTHORNE GROSVENORConceive me, if you can, Conceive me, if you can, A crotchety, cracked young man, A matter-of-fact young man, An ultra-poetical, super-aesthetical, An alphabetical, arithmetical, Out-of-the way young man! Every day young man!
Conceive me, if you can, Conceive me, if you can, A crotchety, cracked young man, A matter-of-fact young man, An ultra-poetical, super-aesthetical, An alphabetical, arithmetical, Out-of-the way young man! Every day young man!
[GROSVENOR dances off, L.U.E.]
BUN.It is all right! I have committed my last act of ill-nature, and henceforth I'm a changed character.
[Dances about stage, humming refrain of last air.Enter PATIENCE, L.She gazes in astonishment at him.]
PATIENCE Reginald! Dancing! And -- what in the world is the matter with you?
BUN.Patience, I'm a changed man.Hitherto I've been gloomy, moody, fitful -- uncertain in temper and selfish in disposition--PATIENCE You have, indeed! [sighing]
BUN.All that is changed.I have reformed.I have modelled myself upon Mr.Grosvenor.Henceforth I am mildly cheerful.My conversation will blend amusement with instruction.I shall still be aesthetic; but my aestheticism will be of the most pastoral kind.
PATIENCE Oh, Reginald! Is all this true?
BUN.Quite true.Observe how amiable I am.[Assuming a fixed smile]
PATIENCE But, Reginald, how long will this last?
BUN.With occasional intervals for rest and refreshment, as long as I do.