PATIENCE No, thanks, I have dined; but -- I beg your pardon -- Iinterrupt you.[Turns to go; he stops her.]
BUN.Life is made up of interruptions.The tortured soul, yearning for solitude, writhes under them.Oh, but my heart is a-weary! Oh, I am a cursed thing! [She attempts to escape.]
Don't go.
PATIENCE Really, I'm very sorry.
BUN.Tell me, girl, do you ever yearn?
PATIENCE I earn my living.
BUN.[impatiently] No, no! Do you know what it is to be heart-hungry? Do you know what it is to yearn for the Indefinable, and yet to be brought face to face, dally, with the Multiplication Table? Do you know what it is to seek oceans and to find puddles? That's my case.Oh, I am a cursed thing! [She turns again.] Don't go.
PATIENCE If you please, I don't understand you -- you frighten me!
BUN.Don't be frightened -- it's only poetry.
PATIENCE Well, if that's poetry, I don't like poetry.
BUN.[eagerly] Don't you? [aside] Can I trust her? [aloud]
Patience, you don't like poetry -- well, between you and me, Idon't like poetry.It's hollow, unsubstantial -- unsatisfactory.
What's the use of yearning for Elysian Fields when you know you can't get `em, and would only let `em out on building leases if you had `em?
PATIENCE Sir, I--
BUN.Patience, I have long loved you.Let me tell you a secret.
I am not as bilious as I look.If you like, I will cut my hair.
There is more innocent fun within me than a casual spectator would imagine.You have never seen me frolicsome.Be a good girl -- a very good girl -- and one day you shall.If you are fond of touch-and-go jocularity -- this is the shop for it.
PATIENCE Sir, I will speak plainly.In the matter of love I am untaught.I have never loved but my great-aunt.But I am quite certain that, under any circumstances, I couldn't possibly love you.
BUN.Oh, you think not?
PATIENCE I'm quite sure of it.Quite sure.Quite.
BUN.Very good.Life is henceforth a blank.I don't care what becomes of me.I have only to ask that you will not abuse my confidence; though you despise me, I am extremely popular with the other young ladies.
PATIENCE I only ask that you will leave me and never renew the subject.
BUN.Certainly.Broken-hearted and desolate, I go.[Goes up-stage, suddenly turns and recites.]
"Oh, to be wafted away, From this black Aceldama of sorrow, Where the dust of an earthy to-day Is the earth of a dusty to-morrow!"It is a little thing of my own.I call it "Heart Foam".Ishall not publish it.Farewell! Patience, Patience, farewell!
[Exit BUNTHORNE.]
PATIENCE What on earth does it all mean? Why does he love me?
Why does he expect me to love him? [going R.] He's not a relation! It frightens me!
[Enter ANGELA, L.]
ANGELA Why, Patience, what is the matter?
PATIENCE Lady Angela, tell me two things.Firstly, what on earth is this love that upsets everybody; and, secondly, how is it to be distinguished from insanity?
ANGELA Poor blind child! Oh, forgive her, Eros! Why, love is of all passions the most essential! It is the embodiment of purity, the abstraction of refinement! It is the one unselfish emotion in this whirlpool of grasping greed!
PATIENCE Oh, dear, oh! [beginning to cry]
ANGELA Why are you crying?
PATIENCE To think that I have lived all these years without having experienced this ennobling and unselfish passion! Why, what a wicked girl I must be! For it is unselfish, isn't it?
ANGELA Absolutely! Love that is tainted with selfishness is no love.Oh, try, try, try to love! It really isn't difficult if you give your whole mind to it.
PATIENCE I'll set about it at once.I won't go to bed until I'm head over ears in love with somebody.
ANGELA Noble girl! But is it possible that you have never loved anybody?
PATIENCE Yes, one.
ANGELA Ah! Whom?
PATIENCE My great-aunt--
ANGELA Great-aunts don't count.
PATIENCE Then there's nobody.At least -- no, nobody.Not since I was a baby.But that doesn't count, I suppose.
ANGELA I don't know.Tell me about it.
No.7.Long years ago, fourteen maybe (Duet)Patience and AngelaPATIENCE [R.] Long years ago -- fourteen, maybe, When but a tiny babe of four, Another baby played with me, My elder by a year or more;A little child of beauty rare, With marv'lous eyes and wondrous hair, Who, in my child-eyes, seemed to me All that a little child should be!
[She goes to ANGELA, L.C.]
Ah, how we loved, that child and I!
How pure our baby joy!
How true our love -- and, by the bye, He was a little boy!
ANGELAAh, old, old tale of Cupid's touch!
I thought as much -- I thought as much!
He was a little boy!
PATIENCE Pray don't misconstrue what I say--Remember, pray -- remember, pray, He was a little boy!
ANGELANo doubt! Yet, spite of all your pains, The interesting fact remains -He was a little boy!
BOTH Ah, yes, in/No doubt, yet spite of all my/your pains, The interesting fact remains--He was a little boy!
He was a little boy!
[Exit ANGELA, L.]
PATIENCE [R.C.] It's perfectly dreadful to think of the appalling state I must be in! I had no idea that love was a duty.No wonder they all look so unhappy! Upon my word, Ihardly like to associate with myself.I don't think I'm respectable.I'll go at once and fall in love with...[As she turns to go up R., GROSVENOR enters, R.U.E.She sees him and turns back.] a stranger!
No.8.Prithee, pretty maiden (Duet)
Patience and GrosvenorGROSVENOR [up-stage, R.] Prithee, pretty maiden -- prithee, tell me true, (Hey, but I'm doleful, willow willow waly!)Have you e'er a lover a-dangling after you?
Hey willow waly O!
[coming down-stage]
I would fain discover If you have a lover!
Hey willow waly O!
PATIENCE [L.] Gentle sir, my heart is frolicsome and free--(Hey, but he's doleful, willow willow waly!)Nobody I care for comes a-courting me--
Hey willow waly O!
Nobody I care for Comes a-courting -- therefore, Hey willow waly O!
GROSVENOR [C.] Prithee, pretty maiden, will you marry me?
(Hey, but I'm hopeful, willow willow waly!)I may say, at once, I'm a man of propertee--Hey willow waly O!
Money, I despise it;
Many people prize it, Hey willow waly O!