书城公版Roughing It
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第110章

Vice flourished luxuriantly during the hey-day of our "flush times." The saloons were overburdened with custom; so were the police courts, the gambling dens, the brothels and the jails--unfailing signs of high prosperity in a mining region--in any region for that matter.Is it not so? A crowded police court docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.Still, there is one other sign; it comes last, but when it does come it establishes beyond cavil that the "flush times" are at the flood.This is the birth of the "literary" paper.

The Weekly Occidental, "devoted to literature," made its appearance in Virginia.All the literary people were engaged to write for it.Mr.F.

was to edit it.He was a felicitous skirmisher with a pen, and a man who could say happy things in a crisp, neat way.Once, while editor of the Union, he had disposed of a labored, incoherent, two-column attack made upon him by a contemporary, with a single line, which, at first glance, seemed to contain a solemn and tremendous compliment--viz.: "THE LOGIC OFOUR ADVERSARY RESEMBLES THE PEACE OF GOD,"--and left it to the reader's memory and after-thought to invest the remark with another and "more different" meaning by supplying for himself and at his own leisure the rest of the Scripture--" in that it passeth understanding." He once said of a little, half-starved, wayside community that had no subsistence except what they could get by preying upon chance passengers who stopped over with them a day when traveling by the overland stage, that in their Church service they had altered the Lord's Prayer to read: "Give us this day our daily stranger!"We expected great things of the Occidental.Of course it could not get along without an original novel, and so we made arrangements to hurl into the work the full strength of the company.Mrs.F.was an able romancist of the ineffable school--I know no other name to apply to a school whose heroes are all dainty and all perfect.She wrote the opening 第一章

About this time there arrived in Virginia a dissolute stranger with a literary turn of mind--rather seedy he was, but very quiet and unassuming; almost diffident, indeed.He was so gentle, and his manners were so pleasing and kindly, whether he was sober or intoxicated, that he made friends of all who came in contact with him.He applied for literary work, offered conclusive evidence that he wielded an easy and practiced pen, and so Mr.F.engaged him at once to help write the novel.

His chapter was to follow Mr.D.'s, and mine was to come next.Now what does this fellow do but go off and get drunk and then proceed to his quarters and set to work with his imagination in a state of chaos, and that chaos in a condition of extravagant activity.The result may be guessed.He scanned the chapters of his predecessors, found plenty of heroes and heroines already created, and was satisfied with them; he decided to introduce no more; with all the confidence that whisky inspires and all the easy complacency it gives to its servant, he then launched himself lovingly into his work: he married the coachman to the society-young-lady for the sake of the scandal; married the Duke to the blonde's stepmother, for the sake of the sensation; stopped the desperado's salary; created a misunderstanding between the devil and the Roscicrucian; threw the Duke's property into the wicked lawyer's hands;made the lawyer's upbraiding conscience drive him to drink, thence to delirium tremens, thence to suicide; broke the coachman's neck; let his widow succumb to contumely, neglect, poverty and consumption; caused the blonde to drown herself, leaving her clothes on the bank with the customary note pinned to them forgiving the Duke and hoping he would be happy; revealed to the Duke, by means of the usual strawberry mark on left arm, that he had married his own long-lost mother and destroyed his long-lost sister; instituted the proper and necessary suicide of the Duke and the Duchess in order to compass poetical justice; opened the earth and let the Roscicrucian through, accompanied with the accustomed smoke and thunder and smell of brimstone, and finished with the promise that in the next chapter, after holding a general inquest, he would take up the surviving character of the novel and tell what became of the devil!

It read with singular smoothness, and with a "dead" earnestness that was funny enough to suffocate a body.But there was war when it came in.

The other novelists were furious.The mild stranger, not yet more than half sober, stood there, under a scathing fire of vituperation, meek and bewildered, looking from one to another of his assailants, and wondering what he could have done to invoke such a storm.When a lull came at last, he said his say gently and appealingly--said he did not rightly remember what he had written, but was sure he had tried to do the best he could, and knew his object had been to make the novel not only pleasant and plausible but instructive and----The bombardment began again.The novelists assailed his ill-chosen adjectives and demolished them with a storm of denunciation and ridicule.

And so the siege went on.Every time the stranger tried to appease the enemy he only made matters worse.Finally he offered to rewrite the chapter.This arrested hostilities.The indignation gradually quieted down, peace reigned again and the sufferer retired in safety and got him to his own citadel.

But on the way thither the evil angel tempted him and he got drunk again.

And again his imagination went mad.He led the heroes and heroines a wilder dance than ever; and yet all through it ran that same convincing air of honesty and earnestness that had marked his first work.He got the characters into the most extraordinary situations, put them through the most surprising performances, and made them talk the strangest talk!