`This is the whole thing, sir,' said Mr. Tigg; `this is the point and purpose at which I was gradually arriving when my friend Slyme here, with six words, hit it full. Mr. Pecksniff, now that your cousin (and Chiv's uncle) has turned up, some steps must be taken to prevent his disappearing again; and, if possible, to counteract the influence which is exercised over him now, by this designing favourite. Everybody who is interested feels it, sir. The whole family is pouring down to this place. The time has come when individual jealousies and interests must be forgotten for a time, sir, and union must be made against the common enemy. When the common enemy is routed, you will all set up for yourselves again; every lady and gentleman who has a part in the game, will go in on their own account and bowl away, to the best of their ability, at the testator's wicket, and nobody will be in a worse position than before. Think of it.
Don't commit yourself now. You'll find us at the Half Moon and Seven Stars in this village, at any time, and open to any reasonable proposition. Hem!
Chiv, my dear fellow, go out and see what sort of a night it is.'
Mr. Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in going round the corner. Mr. Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as he could be reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his head at Mr. Pecksniff and smiled.
`We must not be too hard,' he said, `upon the little eccentricities of our friend Slyme. You saw him whisper me?'
Mr. Pecksniff had seen him.
`You heard my answer, I think?'
Mr. Pecksniff had heard it.
`Five shillings, eh?' said Mr. Tigg, thoughtfully. `Ah! what an extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!'
Mr. Pecksniff made no answer.
`Five shillings!' pursued Mr. Tigg, musing: `and to be punctually repaid next week; that's the best of it. You heard that?'
Mr. Pecksniff had not heard that.
`No! You surprise me!' cried Tigg. `That's the cream of the thing sir.
I never knew that man fail to redeem a promise, in my life. You're not in want of change, are you?'
`No,' said Mr. Pecksniff, `thank you. Not at all.'
`Just so,' returned Mr. Tigg. `If you had been, I'd have got it for you.' With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapsed when he stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr. Pecksniff, said:
`Perhaps you'd rather not lend Slyme five shillings?'
`I would much rather not,' Mr. Pecksniff rejoined.
`Egad!' cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of objection occurred to him at that moment for the first time, `it's very possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort of objection to lending me five shillings now?'
`Yes, I couldn't do it, indeed,' said Mr. Pecksniff.
`Not even half-a-crown, perhaps?' urged Mr. Tigg.
`Not even half-a-crown.'
`Why, then we come,' said Mr. Tigg, `to the ridiculously small amount of eighteen pence. Ha! ha!'
`And that,' said Mr. Pecksniff, `would be equally objectionable.'
On receipt of this assurance, Mr. Tigg shook him heartily by both hands, protesting with much earnestness, that he was one of the most consistent and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired the honour of his better acquaintance. He moreover observed that there were many little characteristics about his friend Slyme, of which he could by no means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration of the great pleasure he himself had that day enjoyed in his social intercourse with Mr. Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more enduring delight than the successful negotiation of any small loan on the part of his friend could possibly have imparted. With which remarks he would beg leave, he said, to wish Mr. Pecksniff a very good evening. And so he took himself off: as little abashed by his recent failure as any gentleman would desire to be.
The meditations of Mr. Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the Dragon, and that night in his own house, were very serious and grave indeed; the more especially as the intelligence he had received from Messrs. Tigg and Slyme touching the arrival of other members of the family, were fully confirmed on more particular inquiry. For the Spottletoes had actually gone straight to the Dragon, where they were at that moment housed and mounting guard, and where their appearance had occasioned such a vast sensation that Mrs.
Lupin, scenting their errand before they had been under her roof half-an hour, carried the news herself with all possible secrecy straight to Mr. Pecksniff's house: indeed it was her great caution in doing so which occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who entered at the front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from the back one. Moreover, Mr. Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were economically quartered at the Half Moon and Seven Stars, which was an obscure ale-house; and by the very next coach there came posting to the scene of action, so many other affectionate members of the family (who quarrelled with each other, inside and out, all the way down, to the utter distraction of the coachman), that in less than four-and-twenty hours the scanty tavern accommodation was at a premium, and all the private lodgings in the place, amounting to full four beds and sofa, rose cent. per cent. in the market.