"Yes,"said the old man,shaking his head sadly;"I would have destroyed a life that God had given,and destroyed endless chances for happiness and usefulness,and sent a poor soul to judgement,perhaps unforgiven and unprepared.My child,it cuts me to the heart to pain you so,but the physician's probe must go to the depth of the wound.It is no kindness to the patient to put on a soothing surface application and leave death to rankle in the blood.We have no reason to believe that in the eye of God he that destroys himself is any the less guilty than he that kills another,and even in the judgment of man it's a cowardly flight from misfortunes that should be triumphed over with courage and patience,or endured with fortitude and resignation.Mark my words,it is only a flight,not an escape,for every evil you sought to shun would have been intensified and rendered eternal.Now,the simple truth is,we hold our own lives in trust from God,to be used according to his will,and we have no more right to destroy the life he entrusts to us than the life he gives to others."Ida had buried her face in her hands and was trembling violently.
"I did not realize it before,"she murmured in a low,shuddering tone."Oh,what shall I do?What shall I do?Why doesn't the earth open and swallow me up?"The old man came to her side again,and placing his right hand gently on her bowed head and holding a Bible in his left,continued in grave by very gentle tones:
"Take this Book,my child;it will tell you what to do.It will tell you that merciful and all-powerful arms are open to receive you,and not a hopeless grave.The Son of God has said to the heavy laden,'Come unto me,'and 'whosoever cometh I will in nowise cast out.'Heaven is full,my child,of just such guilty souls as yours,but it was HE who saved them.It was His precious blood that washed them whiter than snow.When you seek for forgiveness and healing at His feet all will be well,but not till then,and not elsewhere.""O,Mr.Eltinge,"she sobbed,"you have pierced my heart as with a sword.""I have,indeed,my poor child--with the sword of truth;and what's more,I can't heal the wound I've made.""What shall I do?oh,what shall I do?"and she fairly writhed in the agony of her remorse.
"'Behold the Lamb of God,that taketh away the sin of the world,'"he said gently but firmly,and his strong faith and the words of Holy Writ were like a rock,at which,from out of the overwhelming torrent of her remorseful despair,she grasped as her one chance,her one hope.
Lifting her streaming eyes to heaven,and clasping her hands,she cried passionately:
"O Christ,hope of the sinful,if there is mercy for such as I,forgive me,for my crime is like a falling mountain!"A moment later she sprang up and put her arms around the old man's neck.
"My friend,my more than father!"she sobbed,"I think--I almost believe God has heard me.It seems as if I had escaped from death,and--and--my heart was breaking;but now--oh,it's all a heavenly mystery!""Yes,"replied Mr.Eltinge brokenly,and with answering emotion,"it is a heavenly mystery.'Not by might,nor by power,but by my Spirit,saith the Lord.'"Ida could never forget the remaining hours which she spent that day in the old garden.it was then and there that she experienced the sensations of those entering a new spiritual life and a new world;and with some,these first impressions are very vivid;and with some,these first impressions are very vivid.
It was according to nature that it should be so in the instance of Ida Mayhew,for she was simple,positive,and warm in her feelings,rather than cold and complex.But she was sane,and abounded in the homely common sense which enabled her to understand herself and those about her.She formed fairly correct estimates of all whom she had met,and with the same simple directness she began to recognize the character of the Divine Man that Mr.Eltinge and the Bible they read together presented.
No earthly casuistry could ever lead her to doubt that he had heard her prayer that morning.She might reply simply to all cavil and questioning:
"I know he heard and answered me,and if I do not know this to be true,I cannot know anything to be true;"for never before had her consciousness made anything so distinct and real.
To say that she and multitudes of others are mistaken,is begging the whole question.It is baldly taking the ground of denial of everything outside of personal understanding and knowledge.The skepticism of very many would blot out the greater part of science,history,and geography.The facts of Christian experience and Christian testimony are as truly facts as those which are discovered by people who are hostile or indifferent to the Bible.
The broad,liberal man is he who accepts all truth and humbly waits till the fuller wisdom of coming ages reconciles what is now apparently conflicting.The bigot is he who shuts his eyes to truth he does not like,or does not understand;and he is as apt to be a scientist as the man who has learned that the God who made him can also speak to him,through his inspired word and all-pervading Spirit.
We are surrounded by earthly mysteries which the wisest cannot solve,and some of them are very sad and dark.Why should there not be,as Ida said,a heavenly mystery?
After all,it is a question of fact.The Christ of the New Testament offers to give peace and spiritual healing.Does he keep his word?
We say yes,on the broad ground of human experience and human testimony--the ground on which is built the greater part of human knowledge.
If this be true,what a reproach is contained in the words of our Lord:"Ye will not come unto me that ye might have life"!