`There's always a chance of death; and it is always well to live with such a chance in view.'
`Yes, yes--But do you think there's any likelihood that this illness will have a fatal termination?'
`I cannot tell; but, supposing it should, how are you prepared to meet the event?'
`Why, the doctor told me I wasn't to think about it, for I was sure to get better, if I stuck to his regimen and prescriptions.'
`I hope you may, Arthur, but neither the doctor nor I can speak with certainty in such a case: there is internal injury, and it is difficult to know to what extent.'
`There now! you want to scare me to death.'
`No; but I don't want to lull you to false security. If a consciousness of the uncertainty of life can dispose you to serious and useful thoughts, I would not deprive you of the benefit of such reflections, whether you do eventually recover or not. Does the idea of death appal you very much?'
`It's just the only thing I can't bear to think of; so if you've any--'
`But it must come sometime,' interrupted I; `and if it be years hence, it will as certainly overtake you as if it came to-day,--and no doubt be as unwelcome then as now, unless you--'
`Oh, hang it! don't torment me with your preachments now, unless you want to kill me outright--I can't stand it, I tell you--I've sufferings enough without that. If you think there's danger, save me from it; and then, in gratitude, I'll hear whatever you like to say.'
I accordingly dropped the unwelcome topic. And now, Frederick, I think I may bring my letter to a close. From these details, you may form your own judgment of the state of my patient, and of my own position and future prospects. Let me hear from you soon, and I will write again to tell you how we get on; but now that my presence is tolerated--and even required in the sick-room, I shall have but little time to spare between my husband and my son,--for I must not entirely neglect the latter: it would not do to keep him always with Rachel, and I dare not leave him for a moment with any of the other servants, or suffer him to be alone, lest he should meet them. If his father get worse, I shall ask Esther Hargrave to take charge of him for a time, till I have re-organized the household at least; but I greatly prefer keeping him under my own eye.
I find myself in rather a singular position: I am exerting my utmost endeavours to promote the recovery and reformation of my husband, and if I succeed what shall I do? My duty, of course,--But how?--No matter;
I can perform the task that is before me now, and God will give me strength to do whatever He requires hereafter.food bye, dear Frederick.
Helen Huntingdon.
`What do you think of it?' said Lawrence as I silently refolded the letter.
`It seems to me,' returned I, `that she is casting her pearls before swine. May they be satisfied with trampling them under their feet, and not turn again and rend her!' But I shall say no more against her:
I see that she was actuated by the best and noblest motives in what she has done; and if the act is not a wise one, may Heaven protect her from its consequences! May I keep this letter, Lawrence?--you see she has never once mentioned me throughout--or made the most distant allusion to me; therefore, there can be no impropriety or harm in it.'
`And therefore, why should you wish to keep it?'
`Were not these characters written by her hand? and were not these words conceived in her mind, and many of them spoken by her lips?'
`Well,' said he. And so I kept it; otherwise, Halford, you could never have become 50 thoroughly acquainted with its contents.
`And when you write,' said I, `will you have the goodness to ask her if I may be permitted to enlighten my mother and sister on her real history and circumstance, just so far as is necessary to make the neighbourhood sensible of the shameful injustice they have done her? I want no tender messages, but just ask her that, and tell her it is the greatest favour she could do me; and tell her--no, nothing more.--You see I know the address, and I might write to her myself, but I am so virtuous as to refrain.'
`Well, I'll do this for you, Markham.'
`And as soon as you receive an answer, you'll let me know?'
`If all be well, I'll come myself and tell you, immediately.'