Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove.
SHAKSPERE.--Sonnet cxvi.
Margaret could not proceed very far in the story of her life, without making some reference to Hugh Sutherland. But she carefully avoided mentioning his name. Perhaps no one less calm, and free from the operation of excitement, could have been so successful in suppressing it.
"Ah!" said Euphra, one day, "your history is a little like mine there; a tutor comes into them both. Did you not fall dreadfully in love with him?""I loved him very much."
"Where is he now?"
"In London, I believe."
"Do you never see him?"
"No."
"Have you never seen him since he left your home--with the curious name?""Yes; but not spoken to him."
"Where?"
Margaret was silent. Euphra knew her well enough now not to repeat the question.
"I should have been in love with him, I know."Margaret only smiled.
Another day, Euphra said:
"What a good boy that Harry is! And so clever too. Ah! Margaret, I have behaved like the devil to that boy. I wanted to have him all to myself, and so kept him a child. Need I confess all my ugliest sins?""Not to me, certainly, dear Miss Cameron. Tell God to look into your heart, and take them all out of it.""I will. I do.--I even enticed Mr. Sutherland away from him to me, when he was the only real friend he had, that I might have them both.""But you have done your best to make up for it since.""I have tried a little. I cannot say I have done my best. I have been so peevish and irritable.""You could not quite help that."
"How kind you are to excuse me so! It makes me so much stronger to try again.""My father used to say that God was always finding every excuse for us that could be found; every true one, you know; not one false one.""That does comfort one."
After a pause, Euphra resumed:
"Mr. Sutherland did me some good, Margaret."
"I do not wonder at that."
"He made me think less about Count Halkar; and that was something, for he haunted me. I did not know then how very wicked he was. Idid love him once. Oh, how I hate him now!"
And she started up and paced the room like a tigress in its cage.
Margaret did not judge this the occasion to read her a lecture on the duty of forgiveness. She had enough to do to keep from hating the man herself, I suspect. But she tried to turn her thoughts into another channel.
"Mr. Sutherland loved you very much, Miss Cameron.""He loved me once," said poor Euphra, with a sigh.
"I saw he did. That was why I began to love you too."Margaret had at last unwittingly opened the door of her secret. She had told the other reason for loving Euphra. But, naturally enough, Euphra could not understand what she meant. Perhaps some of my readers, understanding Margaret's words perfectly, and their reference too, may be so far from understanding Margaret herself, as to turn upon me and say:
"Impossible! You cannot have understood her or any other woman."Well!
"What do you mean, Margaret?"
Margaret both blushed and laughed outright.
"I must confess it," said she, at once; "it cannot hurt him now: my tutor and yours are the same.""Impossible!"
"True."
"And you never spoke all the time you were both at Arnstead?""Not once. He never knew I was in the house.""How strange! And you saw he loved me?"
"Yes."
"And you were not jealous?"