who did most appalling things with the nutcrackers. At length, little Jane perceiving its young brains to be imperilled, softly left her place, and with many small artifices coaxed the dangerous weapon away. Mrs Pocket finishing her orange at about the same time, and not approving of this, said to Jane:
`You naughty child, how dare you? Go and sit down this instant!'
`Mamma dear,' lisped the little girl, `baby ood have put hith eyeth out.'
`How dare you tell me so?' retorted Mrs Pocket. `Go and sit down in your chair this moment!'
Mrs Pocket's dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed: as if I myself had done something to rouse it.
`Belinda,' remonstrated Mr Pocket, from the other end of the table, `how can you be so unreasonable? Jane only interfered for the protection of baby.'
`I will not allow anybody to interfere,' said Mrs Pocket. `I am surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of interference.'
`Good God!' cried Mr Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate desperation.
`Are infants to be nutcrackered into their tombs, and is nobody to save them?'
`I will not be interfered with by Jane,' said Mrs Pocket, with a majestic glance at that innocent little offender. `I hope I know my poor grandpapa's position. Jane, indeed!'
Mr Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did lift himself some inches out of his chair. `Hear this!' he helplessly exclaimed to the elements. `Babies are to be nutcrackered dead, for people's poor grandpapa's positions!' Then he let himself down again, and became silent.
We all looked awkwardly at the table-cloth while this was going on.
A pause succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a series of leaps and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me to be the only member of the family (irrespective of servants) with whom it had any decided acquaintance.
`Mr Drummle,' said Mrs Pocket, `will you ring for Flopson? Jane, you undutiful little thing, go and lie down. Now, baby darling, come with ma!'
The baby was the soul of honour, and protested with all its might. It doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs Pocket's arm, exhibited a pair of knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its soft face, and was carried out in the highest state of mutiny. And it gained its point after all, for I saw it through the window within a few minutes, being nursed by little Jane.
It happened that the other five children were left behind at the dinner-table, through Flopson's having some private engagement, and their not being anybody else's business. I thus became aware of the mutual relations between them and Mr Pocket, which were exemplified in the following manner. Mr Pocket, with the normal perplexity of his face heightened and his hair rumpled, looked at them for some minutes, as if he couldn't make out how they came to be boarding and lodging in that establishment, and why they hadn't been billeted by Nature on somebody else. Then, in a distant, Missionary way he asked them certain questions - as why little Joe had that hole in his frill: who said, Pa, Flopson was going to mend it when she had time - and how little Fanny came by that whitlow: who said, Pa, Millers was going to poultice it when she didn't forget. Then, he melted into parental tenderness, and gave them a shilling apiece and told them to go and play; and then as they went out, with one very strong effort to lift himself up by the hair he dismissed the hopeless subject.
In the evening there was rowing on the river. As Drummle and Startop had each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them both out. Iwas pretty good at most exercises in which countryboys are adepts, but, as I was conscious of wanting elegance of style for the Thames - not to say for other waters - I at once engaged to place myself under the tuition of the winner of a prizewherry who plied at our stairs, and to whom I was introduced by my new allies. This practical authority confused me very much, by saying I had the arm of a blacksmith. If he could have known how nearly the compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt if he would have paid it.
There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we should all have enjoyed ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable domestic occurrence.
Mr Pocket was in good spirits, when a housemaid came in, and said, `If you please, sir, I should wish to speak to you.'
`Speak to your master?' said Mrs Pocket, whose dignity was roused again.
`How can you think of such a thing? Go and speak to Flopson. Or speak to me - at some other time.'
`Begging your pardon, ma'am,' returned the housemaid, `I should wish to speak at once, and to speak to master.'
Hereupon, Mr Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of ourselves until he came back.
`This is a pretty thing, Belinda!' said Mr Pocket, returning with a countenance expressive of grief and despair. `Here's the cook lying insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of fresh butter made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!'
Mrs Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, `This is that odious Sophia's doing!'
`What do you mean, Belinda?' demanded Mr Pocket.
`Sophia has told you,' said Mrs Pocket. `Did I not see her with my own eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just now and ask to speak to you?'
`But has she not taken me down stairs, Belinda,' returned Mr Pocket, `and shown me the woman, and the bundle too?'
`And do you defend her, Matthew,' said Mrs Pocket, `for making mischief?'
Mr Pocket uttered a dismal groan.
`Am I, grandpapa's granddaughter, to be nothing in the house?' said Mrs Pocket. `Besides, the cook has always been a very nice respectful woman, and said in the most natural manner when she came to look after the situation, that she felt I was born to be a Duchess.'
There was a sofa where Mr Pocket stood, and he dropped upon it in the attitude of the Dying Gladiator. Still in that attitude he said, with a hollow voice, `Good night, Mr Pip,' when I deemed it advisable to go to bed and leave him.